IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart shows the proportion of Australian men and women who did regular physical activity in 2010 across different age groups."

The chart shows the proportion of Australian men and women who did regular physical activity in 2010 across different age groups."
The chart indicates the proportion of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who
do
Verb problem
apply
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exercise on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
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 in a specific year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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group
Use synonyms
 of 55 to 64 do regular physical activity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 53%, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over do less physical
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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. One of the main features is that
women
Use synonyms
 trend is increasing in every
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
have
Change preposition
in have
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 showed
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 percentage of regular exercise. The ratio of physical activity of
women
Use synonyms
 has
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 percentage
in
Change preposition
at
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 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 and so on.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 side,
men
Use synonyms
 performed
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 percentage of physical
activities
Use synonyms
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 55 to 64, and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 and above,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 performed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 physical
activities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it can be seen that
fraction
Correct article usage
a fraction
show examples
 of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 performed
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 physical
activities
Use synonyms
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44, and
women
Use synonyms
 did
this
Linking Words
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 55 to 64.

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, group, activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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