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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age group Iin2002. It includes those with a degree, whose with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications.

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age group Iin2002. It includes those with a degree, whose with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications.
The line graph illustrates how much money graduates earned weekly in various
age
Use synonyms
 groups in 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is outstanding that people got the highest salary in the middle
age
Use synonyms
 stage
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they had slightly lower income
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
. But what an interesting point is that higher degree graduates witnessed an increase
Change preposition
in earning
show examples
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 again in the period of the
last
Linking Words
 working
age
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details, the graduates with other qualifications had the highest income, over $400 per week
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the highest compared to others at the early working stage (21-25).
Then
Linking Words
 there was a steady incline over the period
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they got the highest pay of over $800 weekly at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 36-40.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point, there was a fall
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they earned just under $700
at the end
Linking Words
. The same pattern happened for people with
first
Correct article usage
a first
show examples
 degree, they earned approximately $350 per week at
first,
Linking Words
and
then
Linking Words
 the peak was around $700 when they were 36-40 years old. Before retiring, their income remained almost the same.
For people
Change preposition
People
show examples
 with higher
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
earned less than $400 at
first,
Linking Words
got
Correct word choice
and got
show examples
 a pay rise over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. Between the
agoe
Correct your spelling
ages
 of 41 to 55, their salary was around $750 and increased to almost $800 weekly by the
age
Use synonyms
 of 60.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this, first, ".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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