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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart depicts the proportion of Australian
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in six diverse
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 engaging
regular
Change preposition
in regular
show examples
 fitness activity during 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 seen that women in
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 accounted for the biggest percentage at 53.3%,
while
Linking Words
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 took the least amount at only 39.5%. On the one hand, it is interesting that
found
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in each
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 from 15 to 65 and over,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
did
Correct pronoun usage
who did
show examples
 regular exercise remained
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable figures approximately above 47%. Among of three female
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, 35 to 44, 45 to 54,
55
Correct word choice
and 55
show examples
 to 64, especially
got
Verb problem
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage
surpassed
Correct pronoun usage
that surpassed
show examples
 50% of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in
Australian
Use the right word
Australia
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men engaged in physical activity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their young
age
Use synonyms
, 52.8% of them cultivated exercise habits in
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, which
more
Verb problem
is more
show examples
 than 5%
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, except for
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
groups
Use synonyms
 showed
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 proportion of doing physical activity
outweigh
Wrong verb form
was outweighed
show examples
 by
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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