IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantage of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 now on their devices,
due to
Linking Words
 the technology, films and games are much easier now to watch or play, and there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 tons of circumstances about it. But for
me
Add a comma
me,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 see the advantages are
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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higher than the disadvantages. First of all, movies and video games can be helpful for the person, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can reduce the level of
sterss
Correct your spelling
stress
 and other
things
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,
such
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 as
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
, or even help him to find friends . Furhtermore people could spend thier free
time
Use synonyms
 on these
things
Use synonyms
, since there is lots of free
time
Use synonyms
 in human life and most of them want to make sure that they spend it properly, or simply not to harm themselves or others, because if they has a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 and they do not know how to deal with it, they would think of different
things
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 and espically wrong one. So by providing ideas like
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 you have
slove
Verb problem
solved
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 the problem.
However
Linking Words
 there are other
things
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 to do rahter than just fell their free
time
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, because films and video games can be entertiment for human, basically it can change thier mood and male them happier, and
this
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 what all humans search for and work to earn
this
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, In addtion to that, films and video game could transform into indstry like we seen at the moment,and be profitable area, and creating jobs for people. In conclusion,
useing
Correct your spelling
using
 your phone
propelry
Correct your spelling
properly
 can be helpful for you and even for others, but be careful when you use it and
finally
Linking Words
 have fun.

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planning
Plan your essay. Say your view at once and then give two or three main points to back it.
content
Make each point with a short example. It helps the reader see your idea.
grammar
Use small, easy words. Check spelling and do not use hard words.
cohesion
Use link words to show flow: first, also, but, so, finally.
structure
End with a short close that rest your view.
idea
The idea that phones and games can have good parts.
approach
You try to show both sides, not just one.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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