IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for the different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some individuals claim that it is better for labourers to
work
Use synonyms
 for the same
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 for their entire working life. Others believe that working in different job sites is a better alternative.
While
Linking Words
 I believe that working for the same company generates greater benefits in the long term, it is better to
work
Use synonyms
 in several workplaces as it strengthens your professional career. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will debate both ideas and give my opinion about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, professionals who
work
Use synonyms
 for the same
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 for 30 years or more
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 receive a greater financial incentive when they retire, not counting benefits and salary adjustments for years worked. A survey of 100 formal
workers
Use synonyms
 by the University of Illinois
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 revealed that long-term incentive is the first criterion that motivates
workers
Use synonyms
 to stay at
one
Use synonyms
 job.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they think about their future and retirement, seeing it as a more attractive and secure option.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, professionals and
workers
Use synonyms
 who decide to
work
Use synonyms
 for different
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 during their lives
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 acquire a more comprehensive career path as they adapt to new challenges and environments. Nowadays, there is a significant increase in
this
Linking Words
 trend, as young professionals take risks and experiment with new alternatives, where the search for professional
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 is greater than the ambition to earn more. Personally, I value the ability to reinvent oneself and pursue a purpose, as long as
one
Use synonyms
 is clear about what
one
Use synonyms
 wants and the worker takes advantage of opportunities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not only
Use synonyms
workers
Verb problem
do workers
show examples
 benefit, but companies as well. Many companies today,
according to
Linking Words
 their needs, encourage their employees to leave after a certain amount of time, or recommend them to other enterprises based on the employee's profile.
This
Linking Words
 creates a more dynamic and flexible job market.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
despite
Fix capitalization
Despite
show examples
 its long- and medium-term economic advantages, working in
one
Use synonyms
 place can lead to a sense of stagnation and loss of purpose.
In contrast
Linking Words
, working for different
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 throughout working life
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 provides
workers
Use synonyms
 with greater experience and greater mastery, as they change their environment and perform new tasks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make the essay start with a clear view and end with a strong conclusion that restates your main point.
content
Give each main idea a full paragraph with one example and explain how it helps your view.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are connected, and keep a steady flow between sentences.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Fix long phrases and make sentences easy to read.
structure
Keep a simple structure: intro with thesis, body paragraphs with one idea each, then a short conclusion.
accuracy
Use real and clear facts or examples, and avoid weak or tiny examples.
content
The essay shows a clear choice and aims to discuss both sides.
structure
Good use of signposts like On the one hand and On the other hand.
stance
The writer expresses a personal view.
balance
There is a balance of ideas in the body.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
What to do next:
Look at other essays: