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Writing Samples
Band 4

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more apptitute for. To what extent do you agree or disgaree?

Some people believe that it is useless
letting
Wrong verb form
to let
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children
Use synonyms
 who do not have an artistic talent study painting or drawing in classes at school.
Instead
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, they should focus on other creative or practical courses that they have enough skills
on
Change preposition
in
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to improve them. Others hold the opposite view.
While
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 I agree that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn as many
subjects
Use synonyms
 as they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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, because it enhances their skills and knowledge. I
also
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 believe that they have the right to choose the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they will study, by doing
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this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 the child will enjoy studying and will work harder to be better. On the one hand, making
children
Use synonyms
 study different courses is important. Nowadays, many schools teach
children
Use synonyms
 many courses on various topics
such
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 as languages, arts, and Physical Education. The purpose of these
subjects
Use synonyms
 is to let the student decide what he thinks is good
to
Change preposition
for
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 him.
Therefore
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,
children
Use synonyms
 should take at least one course in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 to improve their imagination and
also
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 to see
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
this
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 field is fun or not. Many parents said that their kids developed hobbies
from
Change preposition
at
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 school.
On the other hand
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, learning practical
subjects
Use synonyms
 is as important as learning arts, as it
is
Verb problem
apply
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gives the child the chance to improve solving
proplem
Correct your spelling
problem
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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, and it gives him a sense of challenge which is beneficial to him, since it teaches him
facing
Wrong verb form
to face
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 difficulties and never
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 up.
For instance
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, when I was a
kid
Punctuation problem
kid,
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 I did
no
Rephrase
not
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 prefer studying science. I chose to work on
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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 to do some videos and posts;
hence
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,
that
Correct determiner usage
this
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improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 my communication skills and I can speak without hesitating. In conclusion, I partially agree with the proposal that
children
Use synonyms
 should ignore
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 subject and should move to other creative
subjects
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, because in my opinion
learning
Punctuation problem
, learning
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 a few
subjects
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 restricts
children
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in
Change preposition
to
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 one field.

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tip
Make your view clear in the opening line and keep it the same throughout the essay.
tip
Each idea in the body should have a clear reason and a specific example.
tip
Check spelling and grammar so the ideas are easy to read.
tip
Use simple linking words to show how ideas flow, like 'and', 'but', 'so'.
structure
The essay shows a stance and uses a two side view.
content
There is a reason why art may stay in the class.
example
A personal story is used as an example.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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