IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying that satisfaction is curtailed in
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
money
Use synonyms
 is very important in
life
Use synonyms
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that both
money
Use synonyms
 and happiness are crucial for individuals.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
life
Use synonyms
 requires
money
Use synonyms
 and a high income to be able to live a good
life
Use synonyms
 and not struggle or be afraid from the future and buy what you want , and if individuals have family or kids, they should think about salary , even if he not happy in their job.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 are qualified and have achieved many successes and have many certificates , and these
people
Use synonyms
 should get a high salary.
For example
Linking Words
, a master's degree or PHD deserves more than others in the company. Another point to consider, there are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 around the world working there whole
life
Use synonyms
 with anger and stress and anxiety and
this
Linking Words
 is affects badly and increases disease and many health problems is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that employer should to be satisfy and got high salary at the same time
Moreover
Linking Words
, companies should focus and put plans for insure their employer feel happy and got what they deserve
For instance
Linking Words
, the big 4 company in US they care enough and know the importance for mental health problem and
this
Linking Words
 is why they make a lot of meeting and let employers talk about their feeling. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that satisfaction is more important than
money
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
You show you want to cover both sides, but the main view is not clear. State one view in your intro and keep it in the body.
structure
Use one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that shows the point.
coherence
Use short, simple sentences. Link ideas with words like first, also, but, because.
content
Give one clear example for each idea and explain how it supports your point.
language
Check grammar and punctuation. Use simple forms and correct capital I.
content
The essay shows a try to discuss both money and happiness.
content
It gives some real cases like degree level and big firms as examples.
structure
The writer uses some linking words such as however and moreover.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job satisfaction
  • High salary
  • Productivity
  • Motivation
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Working conditions
  • Professional development
  • Sense of purpose
  • Financial stability
  • Long-term engagement
  • Career growth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Work environment
  • Innovations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: