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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The tables show information about the profits of coffee and
bananas
Use synonyms
 with the Fairtrade label in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. The tables are distributed
intoto
Correct your spelling
into
 two
chartschart
Correct your spelling
charts
, one is coffee, the other is
bananas
Use synonyms
. In 1999, Switzerland
hadwas
Correct your spelling
had
 the highest sales of the country of two products.
However
Linking Words
, in 2004, the UK
outstrippedoutweighted
Correct your spelling
outstripped
 the sales and
becamebecome
Correct your spelling
became
 the top country of Fairtrade-labelled products. In the coffee table, Switzerland
hadhas
Correct your spelling
had
 3
millionmillions of
Check wording
million
show examples
 euros, which was the highest
sale
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
While
Linking Words
 it was evered by the UK, which was 20
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros in 2004.
In addition
Linking Words
, Sweden obtained the lowest
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 no matter in
1999
Correct pronoun usage
both 1999
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 no more than 1
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
. As
regard
Fix the agreement mistake
regards
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the table of
bananas
Use synonyms
, Switzerland
kept
Verb problem
apply
show examples
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 the top one in 1999 and
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
 that from 15 to 40
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros. In 1999, the
sale
Use synonyms
 of
bananas
Use synonyms
 in Belgium just only 0.6
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 it increased to 4 million, which
even
Verb problem
was even
show examples
 more than
Sweden
Change preposition
in Sweden
show examples
 and Denmark in 2004.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Denmark only
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 0.9
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 in 2004.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bananas, sale, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fairtrade-labelled
  • sales figures
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • European countries
  • sales volume
  • notable trend
  • exponential growth
  • moderate rise
  • marked decline
  • comparative analysis
  • economic factors
  • consumer preferences
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