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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make compasions where relevant. Wirte at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make compasions where relevant. Wirte at least 150 words.
The line graph illustrates the amount of fish and other
meats
Use synonyms
 that were consumed by people in Europe from the year 1979 to 2004 .
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 it can be noted that Beef was consumed in
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 proportion than other
meats
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the time period
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 declined
further
Linking Words
. A similar trend was observed in the consumption of Lamb and Chicken.
Linking Words
Conversely
Add a comma
Conversely,
show examples
 the preference for fish saw a rapid growth between 1979 and 2004. In the year 1979 , Beef was consumed in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greater
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
 compared to other
meats
Use synonyms
. Europeans ate more than 200
grams
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in that time period;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the figure dropped to 100
grams
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the consumption of fish rose from 150
in
Check wording
grams in
show examples
 1979 to almost 250
grams
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 2004
showing
Punctuation problem
, showing
show examples
 a dramatic increase
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all. In terms of Lamb and Chicken, both were
less eaten
Correct word order
eaten less
show examples
 than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two
meats
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 lamb saw a rapid drop in figures from 150
grams
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 ( 1979) to less than 100 ( 2004). The
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of chicken that
consumed
Verb problem
was consumed
show examples
 throughout the years was fairly stable, which was almost equal to 50
grams
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words meats, grams, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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