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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows in formation about the languages that 13-year-old students in one school chose to study. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows in formation about the languages that 13-year-old students in one school chose to study. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of two languages (French and
Mandarin
Use synonyms
) that selected by pupils who are 13 years old in a particular school in England from 2000 to today.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 experienced a decline in student numbers over the period,
Mandarin
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend, becoming the largest figure
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 present. Notably,
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of learners throughout most of the period. In 2000,
Mandarin
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 accounted for
lower
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
 than 20 learners and about 150 learners who preferred
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
Mandarin
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 saw a consistent increase in the next five years, peaking at nearly 80
Use synonyms
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 by 2005. After 2005, the
number
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 of
students
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 witnessed a minor
fluctuations
Fix the agreement mistake
fluctuation
show examples
reached
Correct word choice
and reached
show examples
 slightly over 60 pupils in 2008.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure recovered to just under 80
students
Use synonyms
 in the present.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 dropped significantly
roughly
Punctuation problem
, roughly
show examples
 85 pupils in 2005,
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 higher than the student numbers of
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 rose to almost 100
students
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 in the next year and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fell gradually to above 80
students
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. Showed a higher point
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, mandarin, language, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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