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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. (Anelya1) Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. (Anelya1) Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
The
Three
Fix capitalization
three
show examples
 pie diagrams illustrate the percentage of
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 available on
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
,
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, added
sugar
Use synonyms
Verb problem
is founds
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founds
Use the right word
found
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most
Replace the word
mostly
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
snacks
Punctuation problem
snacks,
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 where
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the highest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
.
Breakfast
Use synonyms
 shows
on
Punctuation problem
, on
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 average
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
stable portion of
sodium
Use synonyms
, fat and
sugar
Use synonyms
 out of four.
Breakfast
Use synonyms
 meal consists of 14% of
sodium
Use synonyms
,16% of saturated fat and 16% added
Correct your spelling
sugar
suger
Punctuation problem
suger,
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while
Linking Words
 for
dinner
Use synonyms
 the portions are quite high
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 almost more than double
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
. For
Use synonyms
dinner
Add a comma
dinner,
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 the percentages are 43%
sodium
Use synonyms
, 37% saturated fat
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 23% added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Lunch
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
helds
Correct your spelling
hold
 more
sodium
Use synonyms
, added
sugar
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
breakfast
Use synonyms
. On one hand, added
sugar
Use synonyms
 stands at 42% for
snacks
Use synonyms
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 it is 19% in
lunch
Use synonyms
. Saturated fat is 26%
finds
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in
lunch
Use synonyms
 than
that is
Linking Words
 21% in
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
There
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the amount of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is 14% but for
lunch
Use synonyms
 it's 29%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, breakfast, dinner, lunch, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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