IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion.

At
this
Linking Words
 time,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
education system
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 more advanced,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 and more
learnng
Correct your spelling
learning
 opportunities are given to the public
,
Punctuation problem
. While
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some people believe that
ready
Verb problem
being ready
show examples
 for employment is much more important than everything
since
Punctuation problem
, since
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 a well-paid
job
Use synonyms
 can ensure their living standard, providing a stable
livehood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 for them.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, Opponents state that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should unearth
students
Use synonyms
' potential.
it
Fix capitalization
It
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 is true that preparing for employment can enhance
students
Use synonyms
' competitiveness.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 may be more
skillful
Correct word choice
skilled
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different sectors, which
cause
Verb problem
gives
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 them
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
higher chances to get a better
job
Use synonyms
 than other
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
. Undoubtedly, it is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for their future, and
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to develop a better future life.
However
Linking Words
, some people advocate for
students
Use synonyms
 to explore their full potential
instead
Linking Words
 of seeking a
high salary
Use the right word
high-salary
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
Opposer
Replace the word
Opponents
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 state that it is too young for teenagers to prepare for employment before
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 understand their need and their abilities. Finding out their interests
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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 pupils to establish self-esteem as they will gain a
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of achievement for
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 in their
fieldof epertise
Correct your spelling
field of expertise
, which is
signficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 for them to thrive and may encourage them to participate in their learning process actively.
personally
Fix capitalization
Personally
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, it is true that having a
soild
Correct your spelling
solid
 and competitive
job
Use synonyms
 will improve future life a lot,
while
Linking Words
 it may not
tailor
Wrong verb form
be tailored
show examples
 to every
pupils
Fix the agreement mistake
pupil
show examples
 as some of them may desire
on
Verb problem
to focus on
show examples
 their academic studies rather than getting a
job
Use synonyms
 that
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may not
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
,
teatchers
Correct your spelling
teachers
 may need to provide alternative choices for different
students
Use synonyms
 in order to let all
students
Use synonyms
 benefit most from the education system.

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task response
Be clear in your view. State your main idea in one line in the end of the first paragraph or in the last paragraph. Then back it up with two or three short ideas.
task response
Make a short intro that says what you will discuss. Then make two clear parts: one for the plus side, one for the minus side, and end with your view.
coherence cohesion
Use simple link words to show the flow. Use 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'in addition', 'therefore'. Keep one idea per paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use more real, put down examples that relate to school life or work. Explain how the idea helps the student.
coherence cohesion
Check spell and form of words. Some words are not in better form. Fix grammar so the sentence is easy to read.
task response
The essay tries to discuss both sides and to give a view, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Some points show a plan to the reader, though they are weak.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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