IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people consider the salary the most significant
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 when applying their
Correct article usage
a jobs
show examples
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
. In my opinion,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is only one thing to think about.
Money
Use synonyms
, actually, is important for everyone in the world because we have to use it everywhere to meet our basic needs.
For example
Linking Words
, we need
buy
Verb problem
to buy
show examples
 necessities
through
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 in supermarkets, order meals with it in
restraints
Use the right word
restaurants
show examples
 and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 obtain medicines without it in hospitals and so on. It seems that as human beings, we cannot live without
money
Use synonyms
 in our pockets. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective,
money
Use synonyms
 can offer us a sense of financial security.
In contrast
Linking Words
, we may feel anxious and stressed
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 panicked
without
Punctuation problem
, without
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. It,
therefore
Linking Words
, is reasonable for us to pay attention to salary
while
Linking Words
 seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a job.
However
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 cannot be our only focus, and there are many other factors we should consider as a measurement indicator of an appropriate job for us. First and foremost, we had better ponder working hours. If we are required to work for a long
hour
Check wording
time
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as 9 hours
even
Correct word choice
or even
show examples
 longer, what most likely
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 is that we will suffer from stress and anxiety, which possibly leads us
poor
Change preposition
to poor
show examples
 physical condition
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 depression in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
Besides
Linking Words
, the longer hours we
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 on
Correct pronoun usage
our career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, the
less occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer occasions
show examples
 we invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 enjoyable and relaxing things, which will erode our happiness to a large extent. What’s more, we should take
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 environment into account. A harmonious and cooperative atmosphere is more beneficial for our development
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 a competitive and stressful environment will decrease our working efficiency. All in all, we should seek out a balanced point between
money
Use synonyms
 and other factors that will influence our moods, physical condition and so on
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than only considering one of them.

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structure
Work on task response. State your clear view in the intro and restate it in the end. This helps show you answer the question.
language
Keep ideas simple and link them with clear words. Use 'and', 'but', 'also' to show connection.
content
Give more facts or small examples to back up points, like how long hours affect life.
language
Fix grammar and word order. Watch mistakes with articles and form.
content
End with a balanced view that shows money is one part, not all.
stance
Clear position that money is important but not the only factor.
structure
Good try to give reason and examples.
coherence
Flow is good in most parts; intro and end show form.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pay
  • salary
  • job
  • work
  • money
  • need
  • rule
  • life
  • time
  • home
  • family
  • health
  • stress
  • hours
  • learn
  • grow
  • team
  • boss
  • coworker
  • opportunity
  • risk
  • choice
  • balance
  • security
  • future
  • decision
  • reason
  • example
  • evidence
  • opinion
  • agree
  • disagree
  • therefore
  • but
  • however
  • so
What to do next:
Look at other essays: