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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with their academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that youngsters should acquire practical abilities
such
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 as car maintenance or bank account management
along with
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 their normal subjects at school. Personally, I tend to agree with the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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students
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 need to learn more than just academics at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 for a variety of reasons. First of all, learning only plain subjects at school won't contribute any practical impact to the
students
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.
This
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 means that the knowledge that they learn in school will not be sufficient for them in the
actual
Correct word choice
real
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world
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.
For instance
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, many pupils tend to have little to no extracurricular for themselves, which means that they have no actual
experience
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about
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of
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 the
world
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 where they will be submerged in very soon.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 many nations
especially
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, especially
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 the Asian countries like China,Korea,Viet
Nam
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Nam,
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 usually have their young generation pushed to their absolute limit on the academic scale.
Therefore
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, leaving them no time to pursue their passion and hobbies, which
make
Verb problem
gives
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students
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 in different countries
having
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apply
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an edge over them.
Furthurmore
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Furthermore
, with the increasingly accelerating pace of our technological
world
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. It will most
defintely
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definitely
 require the younger generation more than before,
thus
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, they need to be fully prepared for the future by studying these practical subjects. Nowadays, scholars need to adapt
with
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to
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this
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fast changing
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fast-changing
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 pace by having extracurriculars, internships, or exchange programs,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 aid them in having hands-on
experience
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as well as
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 new
net-working
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networking
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 relationships.
For instance
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, many top scholars from esteemed schools like Harvard,
Upenn
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UPenn
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, Princeton,etc tend to have
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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 on the
world
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 through their extracurriculars and ideas.
Hence
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, it is crucial for
students
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 in
this
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 era to have some practical skills and
experience
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. In conclusion, individuals
suggesting
Wrong verb form
suggest
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 that
students
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 should have more hands-on
experience
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on
Change preposition
in
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matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
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such
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 as car
maintenence
Correct your spelling
maintenance
, bank account management. In my point of view, I fully concur with
this
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 belief.

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task response
Plan your essay first with one main idea for each part. Start with a short view in the intro and end with a clear finish.
coherence
Make ideas flow in a calm pace. Use simple link words like first, also, but, so to join ideas.
stance
You show a clear view that you agree with the idea.
organization
You use some linking words to show order of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • school
  • students
  • learn
  • life
  • skill
  • money
  • bank
  • account
  • save
  • spend
  • budget
  • plan
  • goal
  • debt
  • interest
  • tax
  • math
  • numbers
  • cost
  • safety
  • car
  • maintenance
  • repair
  • engine
  • tools
  • teach
  • practice
  • project
  • lesson
  • class
  • lesson
  • home
  • work
  • future
  • equal
  • access
  • time
  • exam
  • include
  • balance
  • decision
  • choice
  • positive
  • risk
  • safe
  • group
  • team
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