IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts give information about the proportoin males and females in employment in six categories divided into manualand non-manual occupations.

The pie charts give information about the proportoin males and females in employment in six categories divided into manualand non-manual occupations.
The pie charts depict the percentage of employment per gender in 6 fields, categorised into physical and intellectual
work
Use synonyms
. On the whole, it is apparent that manual occupations like craft or similar jobs, general labourers and the others are
opted mostly
Correct word order
mostly opted
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by
Change preposition
for by
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 men,
while
Linking Words
 women tend to
work
Use synonyms
 in non-manual fields, including managerial and professional
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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, clerical or related careers and the like.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie
regarding
Check wording
chart regarding
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 females, over 30% of them
work
Use synonyms
 in the clerical field, which is the highest. Meanwhile, the former for managerial and professional
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 and other manual works are just below 30%, tripling that for other manual works.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the two bottom positions belong to the data for craft or similar careers and general labourers
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 under 5%, in which the latter is the lower. In terms of the masculine,
although
Linking Words
 they mostly labour in manual jobs, it is managerial and professional position that takes the lead with nearly 40%. In the meantime, the data of both clerical or related
work
Use synonyms
 and other mental
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 are the same,
at
Change preposition
apply
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above 5%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, around 25% of males
work
Use synonyms
 not only in craft or similar occupations but
also
Linking Words
 in other manual jobs . Notwithstanding, the figure for general labourers is the least favoured, with just about 2%.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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