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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day in 2003 and 2006.

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day in 2003 and 2006.
The chart illustrates the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
adults
Use synonyms
 who
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 the
internet
Use synonyms
regulrary
Correct your spelling
regularly
 in the UK, from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the young adult seemed to spend more time
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
internet
Use synonyms
 than the others,
while
Linking Words
 the
middle aged
Use the right word
middle-aged
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adults
Use synonyms
 had similar numbers of using wifi.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
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eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
 didn't spend much
of
Change preposition
apply
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time
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
internet
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the youngest
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the young
adults
Use synonyms
 whose age where
from
Change preposition
between
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 16 to 24
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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had the highest
percenatge
Correct your spelling
percentage
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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 2003 and
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
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 they had the same number
Punctuation problem
, by
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by
Change preposition
with
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 80% of wifi had been using between them
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
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 they had reached the peak of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 consuming by 100%. And they had
end
Replace the word
ended
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 in 2006 around 90%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Next
Punctuation problem
Next,
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people
Use synonyms
whose
Correct determiner usage
apply
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aged 25-44
those
Punctuation problem
, those
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 numbers had
grwon significantlly
Correct your spelling
grown significantly
throughout the years to be 80% in 2006 ,
instead
Linking Words
 of 50% were they had
start
Replace the word
started
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 in 2003.
Then
Linking Words
, we have
adults
Use synonyms
 who were between, 45-54 they had in 2003 by 60% they had steady increased in the next few years to be 80% respectively, after that
people
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 who aged were 55 to 64, they didn't use the wifi much at first but they had change dramatically in 2006 to be around 50% were they used to be (around 30%). In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 three years.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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adults
Use synonyms
 who were over 65 those
people
Use synonyms
 hadn't
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 in 2003 and the had start in 2004 by only less than 20%, and they had
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
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 rise to
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 20 exactly in 2006.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, internet, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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