IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter explain why you took the job describe the problems that you experienced suggest what could be done about them

Dear
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Smith, I am writing to express my concern regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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certain issues with the
work
Use synonyms
Along with
Linking Words
 seven years of relevant experience,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 have
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 interest and knowledge of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and
programe
Correct your spelling
programming
.
Thus
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, a vacancy
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 data analysis was advertised in
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 newspaper by your company.
Hence
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, I decided to share my skills and applied for
work
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. Fortunately, I got an opportunity to
work
Use synonyms
 with you.
Although
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everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 is appropriate, I have realised several not only technical but
also
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 ambience problems.
Firstly
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, the computer is slow and outdated.
Consequently
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, the system sometimes lags and
shutdown
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shuts down
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 unexpectedly.
Subsequently
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,
causing
Wrong verb form
this caused
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 loss of unsaved
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, inadequate lighting and ventilation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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, which often
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 me feel uncomfortable,
like
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apply
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as dim light most probably leads to frequent eye strain and headache
while
Linking Words
 reading or looking at
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
. I would like to offer some suggestions to handle
with
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apply
show examples
these causes.
Initially
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,
facility
Correct article usage
the facility
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 of proper
eletricity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 supply and lighting would make it easy to concentrate and
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the target.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in spite of
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 version,
updated
Correct article usage
an updated
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 brand new computer with
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 features may enhance the speed and productivity. Thank you for your concern. I would appreciate it if you could respond at your earliest convenience Your faithfully Raman,

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task response
Use a clear start that says why you take the job, then list the problems one by one, and end with a ask from the manager.
coherence
Make one idea in one paragraph and link ideas with short, simple words like and, but, so, then.
grammar
Fix small grammar and spelling errors: I for I, everything, etc. Keep simple past and use right form.
tone
Keep a formal, polite tone. Thank the reader and end with a polite closing.
closing
Be clear on what you want the boss to do, like fix the place or give a better chair, etc.
content
The writer shows why they took the job.
content
The letter gives some ideas to fix the issues.
tone
Polite closing line is present.
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