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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates how many
girls
Use synonyms
 per 100 boys are enrolled in primary,
secundary
Correct your spelling
secondary
 and tertiary levels of
education
Use synonyms
 in developing and developed
countries
Use synonyms
 during the
years
Use synonyms
 1990 and 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more female students studying in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three
years
Use synonyms
 of
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 than
developing
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 ones,
as well as
Linking Words
 the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1998
has bigger
Wrong verb form
had the largest
show examples
 numbers. In the primary
education
Use synonyms
 in 1990, there
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 83
girls
Use synonyms
 enrolled from developing
countries
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 95
from
Verb problem
were from
show examples
 developed ones. Eight
years
Use synonyms
 later, there was an increase of 12 and 9 students,
respectivelly
Correct your spelling
respectively
. A similar
grown
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 is observed at the secondary
education
Use synonyms
 level, where the developing
countries
Use synonyms
count with
Verb problem
had
show examples
 72
girls
Use synonyms
 studying in 1990 and 92 in 1998. The developed
countries
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 very similar numbers with the previous
education
Use synonyms
 level,
counting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with 98
girls
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and 99 in 1998. The tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 is where
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 possible
observe
Verb problem
to observe
show examples
 the bigger difference in numbers. Developing
countries
Use synonyms
 had a significant
descrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
 with only 66
girls
Use synonyms
enroled
Correct your spelling
enrolled
 in 1990 and 75 eight
years
Use synonyms
 later. Developed
countries
Use synonyms
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 contrast, had an increase and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the only
Use synonyms
education
Check wording
apply
show examples
year achieving the target, with 105 female students in 1990 and 112 in 1998.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, education, countries, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • number
  • girls
  • boys
  • enrolled
  • education
  • primary
  • secondary
  • higher
  • ratio
  • indicate
  • barriers
  • accessible
  • significant
  • decline
  • pursuing
  • features
  • comparisons
  • gender
  • equality
  • societal
  • norms
  • progress
  • issues
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