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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage ot Australian exports to four countries from 1990 to 2012

The graph below shows the percentage ot Australian exports to four countries from 1990 to 2012
The given graph illustrates the ratio of Australian goods which exported to four disparate countries
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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Japan
Use synonyms
,
China
Use synonyms
,
India
Use synonyms
 and
US
Correct article usage
the US
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between
Punctuation problem
, between
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 1990 and 2012. Looking
Change preposition
at an
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
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overall
Linking Words
 structure, it is readily apparent that
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage
while
Linking Words
India
Use synonyms
 had the lowest proportion of exported
things
Check wording
goods
show examples
 from Australia in the initial period. The ratio of
China
Use synonyms
 significantly increased throughout the entire period
Punctuation problem
, as
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as
Change preposition
with
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 exception
.
Change preposition
of.
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According to
Linking Words
 the
details
Add a comma
details,
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 the percentage of
Japan
Use synonyms
 amounted to 25% in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
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 closely followed by
US
Correct article usage
the US
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,
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 with 13%, 3% and 2%
Linking Words
accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the rate of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was equal
14
Change preposition
to 14
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% in 2000 before dropping to 5% in 2010. Looking at the information more
detailed
Change preposition
in detail
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, the indication of
China
Use synonyms
 experienced a
sharply
Replace the word
sharp
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 growth and constituted 27% in 2012, which was the highest position
between
Change preposition
among
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four
Correct article usage
the four
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 countries.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 the ratio of
Japan
Use synonyms
 comprised 18% in 2012 in comparison with 6% for
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and 5% for
India
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, china, india with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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