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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
A glance at the provided chart illustrates the percentage of Australian men and women who did regular physical activity in different age groups- 15 to 24, 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54, 55 to 64, and 65 and over in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 of 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54,
55
Correct word choice
and 55
show examples
 to 64 share a similar pattern.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 15 to 24 experience different
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
. Another noticeable trend is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
15
Check wording
group 15
show examples
 to 24 experienced a similar trend between both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. In terms of 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54, 55 to
64
Punctuation problem
64,
show examples
 represented a similar pattern, aged 45 to 54 and 55 to 64, with 43.1% in Male and at 53.3% in Female, at 45.1% in Male and at 53% in Female, respectively.
Likewise
Linking Words
, 35 to 44 experienced 39.5% in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 52.5% in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 25 to 34 represented 42.2% in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 48.9% in
female
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females
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 15 to 24 represented the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 at 52.8% in
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 remained the least significant contributor at 47.7%. As for 65 and over experienced a noticeable
figure
Use synonyms
, with 46.7% in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
47.1% in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, shared a similar
figure
Use synonyms
 in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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