IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A lot of people in many countries have health problems because of the high consumption of fast food. The government should raise tax towards these foods. To what extent do you agree?

In many countries, there are citizens having health issues because of exaggerating
consumption
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 of fast
food
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. To respond to the phenomenon, the state needs to apply a bigger
tax
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 towards that kind of
food
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. Considering
this
Linking Words
 issue, the government’s idea to increase the
tax
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 is a good move to be taken because the
food
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 will be less affordable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the money from the
tax
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 can be used
for helping
Change preposition
to help
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 the health facilities in treating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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patients caused by fast
food
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. The
society
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 tends to buy something
in
Change preposition
within
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 their
capability
Check wording
means
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 for their daily
food
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. When fast
food
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 has
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
tax
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, the price is relatively cheap and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people tend to make it
as
Change preposition
apply
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the first option for their meal.
This
Linking Words
 situation leads to the high
consumption
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 of fast
food
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 in
public
Correct word choice
apply
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society
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. In order to suppress the public
consumption
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 of fast
food
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, imposing a higher
tax
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 is effective because its price
definitely is
Correct word order
is definitely
show examples
 higher than usual
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 makes people reconsider buying fast
food
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. Other than that, there is another reason behind imposing higher
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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for
Change preposition
on
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 fast
food
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is the subsidiary concept taken from the
tax
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public facilities which treat patients suffering from diseases caused by fast
food
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 high
consumption
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.
This
Linking Words
 policy brings positive impacts not only to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 but
also
Linking Words
 to the public facilities. In conclusion, imposing a higher
tax
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 towards fast
food
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 is a good action to take for handling the phenomenon because the fast
food
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 price can be less affordable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the public
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 can take the good things from the money taken from the
tax
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
In Task Response, say your view clearly in the first paragraph. Add two or more reasons and give a simple real example if possible.
Task Response
In Task Response, show a bit of the other side and then state why your view still wins.
Coherence and Cohesion
In Coherence and Cohesion, start each paragraph with a clear idea and use linking words like because, so, and also to show how ideas fit.
Coherence and Cohesion
In Coherence and Cohesion, keep sentences short and clear so the flow stays easy to follow.
Task Response
The writer shows a clear view on taking tax.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are separate paragraphs for each idea, which helps structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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