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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of children from four countries taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of children from four countries taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart depicts the proportion of youngsters spending time on four leisure activities in Malaysia, China,
Negiria
Correct your spelling
Nigeria
 and Sudan during 2018. On the whole, it is apparent that
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 reading was the least.
In addition
Linking Words
, it was Malaysian juveniles
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 participated the most in leisure activities.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, there were
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the children in Malaysia played
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 data took the lead in
this
Linking Words
 area and was twice
higher
Correct word choice
as high
show examples
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 that for
board
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the former for reading was the lowest, at roughly 20%,
two third
Use the right word
two-thirds
show examples
 of that for watching
TV
Use synonyms
. In the meantime, the figure for watching
TV
Use synonyms
 in China was just 40%, yet shown to be a
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 activity of Chinese kids, doubling that for reading and
board
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the category for watching
TV
Use synonyms
 was 30%. Regarding Nigeria, around 60% of children took part in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 appeared to be the highest percentage
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 the four countries, doubling that for watching
TV
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the former for
board
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 region was approximately 20%, doubling that for reading. Interestingly, the data for watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and
board
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 in Sudan were the same, at
right
Rephrase
apply
show examples
30%,
trippling
Correct your spelling
tripling
 that for reading, which was
also
Linking Words
 at the bottom. Incredibly, 50% of them tended to play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, being the top
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 in free time in
this
Linking Words
 region.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, games, board, tv with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • bar chart
  • percentage
  • activity
  • comparison
  • trends
  • cultural preferences
  • notable differences
  • popular
  • least popular
  • indoor activities
  • outdoor activities
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