IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

different generations within the family spend less time doing activities together

Looking at the world around us,
it’s
Use synonyms
 apparent that family members from different generations don’t spend a lot of time together anymore. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development and that it can be explained because of technology. Social media has brought new societal expectations for different generations and, because of its capacity to connect everyone to anything all the time,
people
Use synonyms
 want to try new activities and meet new
people
Use synonyms
 and forget to look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 who is already around them. Nowadays, the media focuses on stories about young
people
Use synonyms
 and their struggles with friendships and relationships. Families are barely a part of today’s popular stories. Look at Harry Potter,
for example
Linking Words
. He didn’t have any parental figures.
This
Linking Words
 pattern shows the direction our society is going. If young
people
Use synonyms
 see films and series about characters whose life only revolves around meeting new
people
Use synonyms
, going to parties and having
relationships
Punctuation problem
relationships,
show examples
 they will desire that their lives look the same.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the same media,
family-time
Use the right word
family time
show examples
 is usually described as something boring that children or teenagers are obliged to do.
It’s
Use synonyms
 hard for children and teenagers to challenge perspectives that are given to them. So, if you show them that being with family is not amusing, that’s what they will believe. That’s a negative evolution because community is very important for human well-being. By being close to relatives
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 lived in a different period,
it’s
Use synonyms
 possible to learn and share different perspectives and ways of thinking.
While
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 understanding that, in the end, in spite of different ages, we are all the same.
Above all
Linking Words
,
it’s
Use synonyms
 important to be close to
people
Use synonyms
 of different ages and generations because we either have already been through that age, and can give some advice, or we will reach that age, and in that case, we can trust their knowledge.

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global
Your view is clear and you take a stand on the topic.
structure
Add more detail for each main idea. Give one or two small points for each.
cohesion
Use more linking words to join ideas. Words like and, but, also, for example help the flow.
task
Make sure every idea ties to the main claim.
conclusion
End with a short clear line that restates your view.
task response
The essay shows a clear topic and stand.
coherence
You use an example from media to back up your idea.
structure
There is a start and an end to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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