IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the present era, societies are getting humongous and modern. Some individuals feel that in
this
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 advanced world, all ancient monuments should be altered with new infrastructure,
while
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 others believe that old monuments are essential for our society.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before asserting my own viewpoint in favour of preserving ancient monuments. On the one hand, there could be a myriad of reasons why some people say that ancient
structures
Use synonyms
 should be replaced with contemporary
structures
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.
To begin
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 with, to bring advancement in the locality, demolishing historic places is important. What I mean to say is that to maintain development in the local area and give convenience to society, the government have to make some changes to old
buildings
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,
the
Change preposition
at the
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 Golden Temple in Punjab, there have been some changes made for the advancement of
vicinity
Correct article usage
the vicinity
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,
such
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 as demolishing the old road and replacing it with modern roads with some lights.
On the other hand
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, some might feel that historic
buildings
Use synonyms
 should be preserved. They think that ancient
buildings
Use synonyms
 are connected with our culture and ancestors. To elaborate, every old building has its own history, and
that is
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 attached to a different culture or community.
Moreover
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, saving these
structures
Use synonyms
 can generate revenue for the country in terms of tourism. To be more specific, these historic
buildings
Use synonyms
 can become a tourist place, where people can visit and see the old heritages
as well as
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 attain knowledge about the local community. To illustrate, the Taj Mahal is one of the best
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of tourist attractions, which
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 economically of the government. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 people buy the entry tickets to see the equity, they
also
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 spend some money on buying souvenirs and staying in local hotels. Personally, I agree with
this
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 view because protecting these
structures
Use synonyms
 is our responsibility
as well as
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 beneficial for local businesses. In conclusion, both views have their own merits.
However
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, I believe that once these
buildings
Use synonyms
 are demolished, we can not build again in the same way, but to make modern
buildings
Use synonyms
 government can find many other ways.

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task response
State a clear position in the introduction and keep it in the view you choose. Each paragraph should link to this view.
coherence cohesion
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, but, however and for example to help flow.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs should be clear. Each paragraph has one main idea.
language grammar
Check grammar. Use present or past tense in a steady way and fix subject-verb errors.
content
The essay shows a clear effort to discuss both views and give an opinion.
structure
It has an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
lexical
Good examples are used, like Taj Mahal and Golden Temple (though they could be better explained).
Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
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