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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates key information about the proportion of a drug company's total
sales
Use synonyms
, by three
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 for five years between 2002 and 2006. The units are measured in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
.
it
Fix capitalization
It
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 can be clearly seen that
Asia
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
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 the lowest proportion of a drug company's total
sales
Use synonyms
 in the first two years,
whereas
Linking Words
 it was the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two years.
In contrast
Linking Words
, America was the highest in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 period,
while
Linking Words
 it was the lowest in the
last
Linking Words
 period. Looking at the details, we can notice that Europe remained steady in all periods
at
Change preposition
apply
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between 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 and 38
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, when the peak
reached
Verb problem
was reached
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 in 2004, but the smallest total
sales
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in 2006. In 2003, the
percentage
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 of a drug company's total
sales
Use synonyms
 for America and Europe
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 higher than
Asia
Use synonyms
 at 35percent, but
Asia
Use synonyms
 was 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2006, America and Europe were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower than
Asia
Use synonyms
 at 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, but
Asia
Use synonyms
 was 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, percentage, asia, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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