IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. Do what extend do you agree with this?

Nowadays, welcoming outsiders to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the demand of
Correct article usage
the labourforce
show examples
labourforce
Correct your spelling
labour force
, which local
workes
Use the right word
workers
show examples
 are unwilling to do, can cause cultural and social
dispute
Fix the agreement mistake
disputes
show examples
 in the community.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , the foreign
workers
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, should be banned. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point
due to
Linking Words
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 that immigrant
workers
Use synonyms
 contribute towards on
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 GDP and
baised
Correct your spelling
biased
 selection of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in the
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
. The foremost view to justify my point is that bringing foreign labour where there is a shortage of skilled
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 can be an asset to the government.
For example
Linking Words
 ,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
major
Correct article usage
a major
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 city , multinational
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 are looking for skilled
people
Use synonyms
indorder
Correct your spelling
in order
 to run the factories. In order to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the demand ,
people
Use synonyms
 from different
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 can help in developing the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
 by
empolying
Correct your spelling
employing
 them.
This
Linking Words
 will not only increase the GDP of the
nationbut
Correct your spelling
nation but
also
Linking Words
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the price of the things.
Moreover
Linking Words
, exchequers don't have to pay
hefty
Correct article usage
a hefty
show examples
 amount of pensions to the
senor
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senior
show examples
due to
Linking Words
avaliability
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
workers
Use synonyms
 in the market.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, giving opportunity to the
people
Use synonyms
 based on their qualification and skillset in the job can help to create
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
enivrnoment
Correct your spelling
environment
 rather than selecting based on caste or
ethinicity
Correct your spelling
ethnicity
.
This
Linking Words
 will help the company to grow
expontiential
Correct your spelling
exponentially
.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
workers
Use synonyms
 are given work based on their education rather than looking towards
native
Correct pronoun usage
their native
show examples
 region. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the
foreighn
Correct your spelling
foreign
workers
Use synonyms
 can create issues in the local community because of discrimination and unbased job selection . Government ,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, should take charge of distributing the right
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 across the city
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 so that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality
should be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 maintained in work
force
Use the right word
workforce
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , foreign
workers
Use synonyms
 can be an investment to both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 because of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 potential to increase GDP and
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 harmony
amony
Correct your spelling
among
 the
country
Use synonyms
.

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general
Your plan is clear, but ideas are not built well. Try to say one main point in each paragraph and add one clear example to back it up.
grammar
Use simpler grammar. Shorter sentences are easier to read. Check spelling and comma use.
coherence
Link your ideas with small join words like first, also, but, for example, in addition.
structure
Each paragraph should have a topic sentence to show its point.
content
You show a view that you do not want to ban foreign workers.
content
You bring in the idea of how work and GDP can rise with workers.
structure
You end with a idea that ties the view to the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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