IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all schools subjects .But other Believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or they find the most interest .Discuss both views and give an opinion.

There is no denying the fact that education plays a vital role in building youngsters'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and providing them with
upstanding
Correct article usage
an upstanding
show examples
 future.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that students should focus on all topics, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that teenagers should
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 the subjects
according to
Linking Words
 their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view, followed by my own opinion. On one hand, all
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 disciplines are important to give scholars the full knowledge.
In other words
Linking Words
,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of sciences
enabling
Punctuation problem
, enabling
show examples
 the quality of the education,
such
Linking Words
 as computer science and
physics
Punctuation problem
physics,
show examples
 provide them with critical thinking.
In addition
Linking Words
, concentrating on all materials
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 learners to expand their horizons.
For example
Linking Words
, some research conducted in advanced nations
told
Verb problem
suggests
show examples
 that studying various
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
 could bring greater success for the applicants.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people argue that children have to select their programs
according to
Linking Words
 their desire and own abilities
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 It
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 possible to say that some households try to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional education and
replacing
Wrong verb form
replace
show examples
 it
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 modern ways, which mitigate
straining
Check wording
the strain
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 children's
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 minds.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
 method holds
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 burden on both families and authorities.
For instance
Linking Words
, the educational system in the United States
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 changed in the
last
Linking Words
 three decades
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
one
Check wording
approach
show examples
 called
as opted
Wrong verb form
Opt
show examples
 for
your topics
Fix capitalization
Your Topics
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 program
achieve
Wrong verb form
has achieved
show examples
 unprecedented consequences
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as creativity, resilience and adaptability. In conclusion, both opinions have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merit. In my opinion, I consider that
this
Linking Words
 trend depends on many aspects, but I tend to apply selected materials
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 in all
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 stages
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to provide
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 with many benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph to state the view you write about, and link ideas with simple words.
Task response
Add more strong examples to back up each point. Simple real life cases from school or work are fine.
Grammatical range and accuracy
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Use short, clear sentences to avoid mistakes.
Coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to show the flow, like First, Also, But, On the other hand, In conclusion.
Content
The essay shows both sides and the writer's view.
Structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
Position
The writer states an opinion clearly.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: