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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The first table below illustrates how many
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 changed in New
York
Use synonyms
 City
for
Verb problem
has changed
show examples
 over 200 years. The second and third
table
Fix the agreement mistake
tables
show examples
 give information about the amount of
population
Use synonyms
 in five major cities between 1800 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 City tend to increase.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Manhattan shows a slight decrease. It is evident that
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
York
Use synonyms
 City
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
witnessed
Verb problem
has witnessed
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase over 200 years.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 was 79,216 in 1800,
also
Linking Words
 around 100 times increased in 2000
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it compared with 1800 in
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
districts
Check wording
city districts
show examples
cities
Check wording
apply
show examples
. Especially, most of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 was focused in Manhattan as 76% in 1800.
However
Linking Words
, it was dramatically decreased
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 76% to 19% over the same period. The key feature that emerges from the table
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 other four cities in New
York
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
population
Check wording
apply
show examples
significantly went 4 times increased at 24% to 81% in 200 years.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words york, population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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