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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information about a public library in a town called Little Chalfont. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about a public library in a town called Little Chalfont. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 bar graph and pie chart demonstrate the data about numerous members of Little Chalfont,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 took the 1st mortgage from 2007 to
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2016. After
summarized
Verb problem
summarising
show examples
 all the information, it's shown that more than half members of the Library are adults (18-64),
while
Linking Words
 children are just under a quarter. ​
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 of members
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who are young teenagers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a quarter;
however
Linking Words
, slightly less than a quarter
seen
Verb problem
is seen
show examples
 in adults of 65
Punctuation problem
. age+
show examples
age+ if
Correct your spelling
If
 we look at the table of
loan
Use synonyms
 divide, there is a variation of percentage from up to
down-ward
Use the right word
downward
show examples
 trend
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the 36
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 2%. Bar graph illustrates, there is a
fluction
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
 in the range of
loan
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 over the period of time,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2016 ratio of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 number of
Use synonyms
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 is more than 20,000.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
show examples
 in
2017
Add a comma
2017,
show examples
 the ratio is a little above 15,000. ​To summarise
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 data,
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
 of
loan
Use synonyms
taker
Fix the agreement mistake
takers
show examples
 throughout time is approximately near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words loan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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