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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say it is government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while others believe parents should transport their children to school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the past few years, the issue of
Use synonyms
children how
Correct word order
how children
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to be
Wrong verb form
are
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 transported to their school has been widely debated. It is argued that governments have
responsibility
Correct article usage
a responsibility
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 to
transport
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children
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 to school. I strongly believe that
parents
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 should
transport
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 their
children
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 to school by
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
. I will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 in the following paragraphs. One of the main reasons is that it can reduce the
traffice
Correct your spelling
traffic
 accident
rate
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.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
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 every
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parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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responsibility
Correct article usage
a responsibility
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 to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
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children
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.
In addition
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, they will be more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 with their
children
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 so that they will
pat
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pay
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 attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 any traffic conditions.
As a result
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,
parents
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transport
Wrong verb form
transporting
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 their
children
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 is the
most safe
Correct word choice
safest
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 and effective way.
For instance
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, the traffic experts pointed out that
in particular
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 less-safe areas,
parents
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 prefer to deliver their
children
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 by themselves.
This
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 method
decline
Verb problem
decreases
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 the
rate
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 of kidnapping
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and many traffic accident situations.
On the other hand
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, parent can improve their relationship with
children
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. On the whole,
this
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 is the most
populat
Correct your spelling
popular
 way for
parents
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 and schools. Admittedly, there is no doubt that the government
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transport
Replace the word
transporting
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 students to schools can relieve
parents
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' burden. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fact, many
parents
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 are very busy
on
Change preposition
with
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 their jobs, since they are worried
about
Change preposition
that
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 they don't have enough time to handle
this
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 responsibility, leading to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 birth
rate
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.
As a consequence
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, if governments can offer the
transport
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 service, it is likely to increase
parents
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'
the
Correct article usage
apply
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motivation
of
Change preposition
to
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 borning
children
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.
For example
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, in
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
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 report, some cities
implement
Wrong verb form
implemented
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this
Linking Words
 policy, so that these cities
rise
Verb problem
have significantly increased
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 birth
rate
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significantly
Rephrase
apply
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.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that
this
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 plan is very efficient and positive. In conclusion,
while
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 there are several
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 about
this
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 concept,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 remain optimistic that it will be more complete in the future. I firmly believe that
parents
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Use synonyms
transport
Wrong verb form
transporting
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 their
children
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 is
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 choice.

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language
Improve grammar and spelling to make ideas clear.
structure
Make the compare and balance of both views clear and even.
content
Give one or two real examples to back up each point.
conclusion
End with a clear closing that states your view strongly.
task
You state your own view clearly.
coherence
You try to discuss both sides.
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