some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proven to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that some markets should not be allowed to sell any
drink
Use synonyms
or food that has proven to have a negative effect on individuals’ health. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
statement because bad food leads to health problems that will not end. On the one hand, bad
foods
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lead to health problems. Some junk
foods
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have a high quantity of sugar, more than 7KG in one glass of
drink
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,
such
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as Pepsi.
For instance
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, unhealthy food or
drink
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will lead to diseases,
such
Linking Words
as diabetes.
For example
Linking Words
, a report from New York University in 2012, more than 43% of individuals live with diabetes, and some of them die.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
the other hand, unhealthy meals lead to a high weight and will help to get a bad appearance. It is significant to reduce
melas
Check wording
melanin
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that will increase our
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
, without benefits. If people used to eat these
Use synonyms
foods
Punctuation problem
foods,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
will lead them to increase their
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
, which leads to body and mental issues.
For example
Linking Words
, King Abdulaziz University conducted studies on international students, and the result is that more than 63% of international students
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffer
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
obesity,
due to
Linking Words
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
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a lot of unhealthy
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drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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and
french
Fix capitalization
French
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fries.
Additionally
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, overweight people may lose confidence, face social problems, and find it difficult to move or exercise, which makes their situation even worse. In conclusion, it seems to me that governments should take a step-by-step
to
Check wording
approach to
show examples
prevent these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of fast
foods
Use synonyms
, because it will
climb
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
diseases and increase bad appearance.

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structure
Plan your essay. State your view in the first line. Then add two or three main ideas with a short example for each. End with a brief rest of your view.
coherence
Use simple links to show order and help the reader. Use words like first, next, also, but to connect ideas.
task response
The writer shows a clear view in the opening sentence.
coherence
There are examples to back the points, which helps support ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • scientifically proven
  • personal freedom
  • individual choices
  • healthcare costs
  • economic impact
  • consumer empowerment
  • outright bans
  • education campaigns
  • scientific research
  • regulated industry
  • nutritional information
  • infringe
  • awareness
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