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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the persentage of people in a city in the uk uisng the internet for different activities in 2007 and 2009

the chart below shows the persentage of people in a city in the uk uisng the internet for different activities in 2007 and 2009
the
Fix capitalization
The
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bart
Correct your spelling
bar
 chart compares how many people
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 the internet in a city in the UK for various activities in 2007 and 2009.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
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, shopping was the highest activity
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 was about 50 persentage and three charts were the same
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they were about 20
persent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 over the period.
shopping
Fix capitalization
Shopping
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 was 50 % in 2009 and 45 % in 2007.
bankijng
Correct your spelling
banking
 activities
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 about 40% in 2007 and 35% in 2009. Music was about 38% in 2007
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 chart was about
30
Correct your spelling
30%
 in 2009
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it
was
Verb problem
apply
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decreased slightly over two years.
job
Fix capitalization
Job
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 seeking was about 25% in 2007
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it was 30 %in 2009.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 chart grew
up
Change preposition
apply
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slightly
in
Change preposition
from
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 2007 to 2009. Games were
Change preposition
at the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 level of over two years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they were about 20%.
learming
Correct your spelling
Learning
 was about 20% in 2007
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it
was
Verb problem
apply
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decreased
15
Change preposition
to 15
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% in 2009.
at
Fix capitalization
At
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 the latest
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 is TV. IT
wAS
Fix capitalization
WAS
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 AROUND 15% IN 2007 AND IT rose 20 %in 2009/

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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