IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? Give reasons for your answer.

There is no denying the fact that the
age
Use synonyms
 of
retire cause
Replace the word
retirement causes
show examples
 significant issues for countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
better
Correct word choice
best
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 to support
people
Use synonyms
 to stay in paid employment and
reasonss
Correct your spelling
reasons
 for that.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many ages
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Correct pronoun usage
which people
show examples
 to retire.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 60
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
applies
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many
countrieas
Correct your spelling
countries
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that will be the best
age
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, countries always
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
studies before any resolution they take
starting
Punctuation problem
, starting
show examples
 with
ask
Wrong verb form
asking
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and trying to do the best for
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is hard
do
Use the right word
to
show examples
 change that
rapid
Replace the word
rapidly
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 hard until 50 years old in his
mind
Punctuation problem
mind,
show examples
 he
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
tenth
Correct your spelling
10
 years he will be
retire
Wrong verb form
retired
show examples
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 it is difficult to
tel
Use the right word
tell
show examples
 that person, if they look to change retirement
age
Use synonyms
. In terms of reasons,
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
60
Change preposition
of 60
show examples
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 more
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
 years to transfer your experience and skills to the new employees. It is
also
Linking Words
posssible
Correct your spelling
possible
 to say that the governments and big companies
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 their experiences to
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 success, because
according to
Linking Words
 the Saudi Ministry of
Lapor
Correct your spelling
Labour
, 80 % of high-ranking employees
over
Verb problem
are over
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 50.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 level of life want rest and live in peace with their family and friends. For
inctance
Correct your spelling
instance
, if you
over
Verb problem
are over
show examples
60
Punctuation problem
60,
show examples
 you will prefer
spent
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
 time with your family
with out
Use the right word
without
show examples
prussure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 and stress. In conclusion, there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be good for retirement. It is
also
Linking Words
 true that many reasons can
plays
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 a crucial role in that
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 and family.

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task
Decide one clear age and argue for it with simple, linked ideas.
grammar
Use simple grammar and fix common spell errors; keep sentences short.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, so to keep a smooth flow.
content
Give a real and clear example to back up your reason.
lexical
Check spell and use common words from top 100.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
content
The main idea on retirement age is stated.
task
There is an attempt to discuss the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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