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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the distribution of employment among males and females in three sectors in two countries

The charts show the distribution of employment among males and females in three sectors in two countries
The pie charts illustrate the data about the disparity between the numbers of females and
males
Use synonyms
 in different fields in various countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gender, the
service
Use synonyms
 section is the dominant figure .
This
Linking Words
 is
inevitable
Correct word order
also inevitable
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also
Linking Words
 for countries. In
country
Use synonyms
 A, the highest rate represented
Service
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 with 56% and 49% , for men and
women
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 respectively, followed by Agriculture, the discrepancy between the indications is noticeable
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 29% for
male
Check wording
men
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 and 43% for
women
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, working in industry is more expanded among male and their figure is twice as high as
women
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’s, which is 15% for
males
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 and 8% for females. As in
country
Use synonyms
 A,
Use synonyms
Service
Correct article usage
the Service
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 section has a high proportion of employees of both genders.
However
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 figures, the value of
service
Use synonyms
 is higher in
country
Use synonyms
 B
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 65% and 88% for men and
Use synonyms
women
Punctuation problem
women,
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relatively
Rephrase
respectively
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
 to
country
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 A, Industry comes second
representing
Punctuation problem
, representing
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 32% for
males
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 and 11% for
women
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. Meanwhile, the Agriculture has minor rates of 3% and 1% for
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Punctuation problem
females,
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 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, service, country, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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