IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, wave and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace coal, oil and gas that we us to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some argue that alternative
energy
Use synonyms
 harvesting methods
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as wind, waves and solar
Use synonyms
power
Punctuation problem
power,
show examples
 are not simple enough and cost too much, and cannot be used to
power
Use synonyms
 our infrastructure as coal, oil and gas can. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and will explain why
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
below.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the natural
energy
Use synonyms
 sources listed above are far better than using fossil fuels, as they are practically infinite,
whereas
Linking Words
 fossil fuels are finite
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 we will run out of them sooner or later. Another factor is their effect on our planet,
while
Linking Words
 wind turbines, wave generators and solar panels
don’t
Use synonyms
 damage the environment, even the extraction of underground resources alone
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
 the environment quite a bit.
Then
Linking Words
 we have to transport them using large trucks, which
also
Linking Words
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they aren’t very efficient, releasing a lot of heat and harmful gases into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming and worsening the air quality. Another factor is efficiency, our traditional methods require having enormous
power
Use synonyms
 plants, and in order to send the
power
Use synonyms
 to consumers, they must run long grids,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
also
Linking Words
 loses
power
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 longer distances.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 wave generators aren’t suitable for all places, solar generators and wind turbines can be installed nearly anywhere and
don’t
Use synonyms
 require much maintenance as
power
Use synonyms
 plants do.
For example
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 you set it up and connect a solar
power
Use synonyms
 generator to your home, you only need to clean it once in a
while
Linking Words
 to avoid dust covering it. Other than that, most of them, especially the modern ones, can work for more than 20 years without having to be replaced. In conclusion,
natural
Punctuation problem
natural,
show examples
 eco-friendly methods of
energy
Use synonyms
 are much better compared to old ones. People
don’t
Use synonyms
 have to rely on the government,
Use synonyms
don’t
Correct word choice
and don’t
show examples
 experience blackouts. They just have to spend some time and money on installing it, which can be seen as
investment
Correct article usage
an investment
show examples
, an investment for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future.

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task response
Task response: State your view clearly in the first paragraph and outline the main ideas you will give. Build each point with a reason and a simple example. Check you do not say things that are not true or unclear.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence and use simple linking words (for example, also, but, however, firstly). Check the flow from one idea to the next.
strength
Clear view on the topic
coherence
Basic structure with intro, body and conclusion
strength
Some easy and good examples
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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