IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
The
graph
Use synonyms
 gives data about how
people
Use synonyms
 spend their
money
Use synonyms
 and compares them into four
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
age
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 and kind of
entertainment
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. The first
group
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 is
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
 between 18 and 25 years old.
Peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 generation spend almost
fourty
Correct your spelling
forty million
milions
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 three
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
entertainment
Use synonyms
, most
Punctuation problem
. Most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 generation spend their
money
Use synonyms
 to
wacth
Correct your spelling
watch
 and listen
Use synonyms
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
Use synonyms
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 15
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
entertainment
Use synonyms
, and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the lower of
Use synonyms
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
 is cinema, with only 9
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
group
Use synonyms
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
with
Verb problem
are with
show examples
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
 between 26 and
39
Punctuation problem
39,
show examples
 spend more
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the peak of
Use synonyms
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
with more than 15
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
. And
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom of
Use synonyms
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
 is
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music
Correct article usage
a music
show examples
concert
Use synonyms
 with only under 15
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
. Different from the
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other groups
show examples
group
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 who
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Check wording
apply
show examples
between 40 and 55. They spend almost
their
Correct determiner usage
all their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to buy something in
Use synonyms
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
show examples
, because more than 20
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 they spend in
Correct article usage
a restaurnt
show examples
restaurnt
Correct your spelling
restaurant
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 they only spend under 10
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
music
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
. Same with
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
group
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 between 56 and 86 spend their
money
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
, with more than 15
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, they only spend 5
Use synonyms
milions
Correct your spelling
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
a music
show examples
concert
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 more than 25 more
like
Use the right word
likely
show examples
 to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
show examples
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
Change preposition
in others
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
entertainment
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, people, money, group, age, entertainment, milions, euros, music, concert, restaurant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spend
  • spent
  • spend on
  • money
  • euros
  • millions
  • bar chart
  • category
  • activity
  • age group
  • Paris
  • France
  • 2019
  • paraphrase
  • overview
  • pattern
  • trend
  • highest
  • lowest
  • more
  • less
  • increase
  • decrease
  • rise
  • fall
  • grow
  • drop
  • compare
  • difference
  • cinema
  • restaurant
  • music concert
  • amount
  • total
  • average
  • on the one hand
  • on the other hand
  • overall
  • in general
  • shows
  • indicates
  • reveals
  • however
  • therefore
  • and
  • but
  • also
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