IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most career choices demand vocational skills or specialist knowledge. However, despite this, most schools still teach academic subjects such as history or social studies. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is argued that nowadays,
although
Linking Words
 most career preferences require vocational abilities or
theoric
Correct word choice
theoretical
show examples
specialization
Change the spelling
specialisation
show examples
, most schools
receive
Verb problem
offer
show examples
 academic education
such
Linking Words
 as history or social studies.
This
Linking Words
 trend could have both positive and negative consequences;
however
Linking Words
, I would argue that
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 issue are more than
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the most significant advantage is that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 which are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of social sciences increase
students
Use synonyms
'
intellectuality
Replace the word
intellectual
show examples
 level.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these lectures
are gained
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 different perspectives to
students
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, science
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics or physics improve
students
Use synonyms
' both solving problems and practical thinking abilities. Another
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 aspect is that some
students
Use synonyms
 might change their decisions in the future. Even if they chose
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 which demands
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vocational skills and specialist knowledge, they may change their aim, and they can decide to
proceed
Fix capitalization
Proceed
show examples
 academic area.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when they change their choice, they can be successful in academia with their
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 knowledge.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the outstanding demerits is that if a
stundent
Correct your spelling
student
decide
Correct subject-verb agreement
decides
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an occupation which requires practical experience and talent, learning
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 information or school
subjects
Use synonyms
 can be time-wasting for
students
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they might prefer to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
practice rather than learn history or physics because they do not want to spend their time on school
subjects
Use synonyms
. Another crucial drawback is that school
subjects
Use synonyms
 and exams give extra responsibilities and
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
 on their shoulders. They may not only lose their attention to practical skills but
also
Linking Words
 their energy may decrease
while
Linking Words
 they try to be successful in their
theoric
Correct word choice
theoretical
show examples
 lessons. In conclusion, most schools still teach academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 in spite of the fact that most career choices demand personal abilities or practical experience.
This
Linking Words
 development has both beneficial and detrimental effects
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it seems to me that the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 shift outweigh the advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear on your view from the start and keep it in all parts.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph and link them with simple words (first, also, but, so, finally).
examples
Use real examples or facts to back up points.
grammar
Fix word choice and spelling, and use correct forms.
structure
Check grammar with short sentences; avoid long run-on sentences.
lexis
Check spelling: 'intellectuality', 'theory', 'student', 'positive'.
content
The writer shows an attempt to discuss both sides and give a final view.
technique
There are good linking phrases like 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion'.
structure
An overall plan is seen with intro and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: