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Writing Samples
Band 5

the map below is of the town Galsdon. A new supermarket (s) is planned for the town. the map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

the map below is of the town Galsdon. A new supermarket (s) is planned for the town. the map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.
The map illustrates two possible locations for a new supermarket in a
twn
Correct your spelling
town
 called
Garlsdon
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the first location is
in
Change preposition
on
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 the outskirts of the developed area,
while
Linking Words
 the second one is in the middle of the town
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. For the first possible site, namely S1, it is located in the north-west part of the countryside, which is far away from the urban
.
Check wording
area.
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 It is
also
Linking Words
 outside the housing and industrial areas.
However
Linking Words
, it is between the railway and a 12 km main road connecting
Garlsdon
Use synonyms
 and a tiny town called Hindon. For the railway, it passes by Hindon, the city centre of
Garlsdon
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 and another small town called Cransdon, which is 25 km away from
Garlsdon
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. The alternative location,
also
Linking Words
 called S2, is located right in the middle of the city
centre
Punctuation problem
centre,
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is surrounded by industrial buildings. Noticeably, the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 is marked as a no traffic zone, which means driver cannot access
to
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apply
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the supermarkets by their own vehicles if the supermarket is built in S2 despite having
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 main roads connecting
Garlsdon
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 with other cities.
However
Linking Words
, it is next to the railway, meaning that customers can still visit there by train.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words garlsdon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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