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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women play quite different role in society than twenty years ago. They make career growth, earn money, drive cars and spend less time with their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Women
Use synonyms
 play a different
role
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
 than 20 years ago.They have more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to control their life by themselves
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 making decisions on their career.
This
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 many advantages and disadvantages, in
this
Linking Words
 essay ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 will be discussed
Firstly
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 play a
virtal
Correct your spelling
vital
role
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
 now,
this
Linking Words
 change
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some benefits to the whole
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, more
women
Use synonyms
 in the workplace may stimulate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development.
Women
Use synonyms
 get more job opportunities in diverse work, like educational,
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
, law ... More and more
women
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become
Wrong verb form
are becoming
show examples
 workers who are equal to
men
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Change preposition
as
show examples
 they are paid
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 salary and receive respect from people.In
this
Linking Words
 situation,
women
Use synonyms
 could be independent from
men
Use synonyms
 in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 they do not have to
relie
Correct your spelling
rely
 on
men
Use synonyms
 only.
This
Linking Words
 can reduce the
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 burden on their husband
while
Linking Words
 they can
also
Linking Words
 earn money.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the living standard can be enhanced. For the
society
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity can be increased
that
Change preposition
if
show examples
 more
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 join the production process since there are many talented and highly skilled
women
Use synonyms
. They can
also
Linking Words
 take the position of some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
 leadership. For
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
aspect
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
 play diverse
Use synonyms
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 stimulate the economy. For
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
aspect
Use synonyms
, it promotes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
equailty
Correct your spelling
equality
 and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 educational level.
However
Linking Words
, the drawback is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 may have inadequate time with
parents
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, when
Punctuation problem
. When
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both father and mother
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
, the
children
Use synonyms
 may have less time to get
along with
Linking Words
 their
parents
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, which may create a
barriar
Correct your spelling
barrier
 between their
parents
Use synonyms
. When the mothers go to work ,the
children
Use synonyms
 have to face a lonely situation since the time
with
Verb problem
spent with
show examples
mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
show examples
 is reduced. Worse still, the
children
Use synonyms
 may feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of love,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 relationship between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 will be hindered.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the mother may feel tired after working a day, they will be less willing to deal with the household .For the
children
Use synonyms
 , they may have some emotional problems like depression, that it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
difficult for
parents
Use synonyms
 to
take
Verb problem
strike
show examples
 a balance between family and work that
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may cause other
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
. In conclusion, the
change
Replace the word
changing
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in recent
society
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
siginificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 meaning, which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 diverse advantages like better
ecoomic
Correct your spelling
economic
 development .There are
also
Linking Words
 disadvantages, like family issues.
However
Linking Words
, comparing both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
, the changing
role
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
absoulately
Correct your spelling
absolutely
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more advantages in
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
Use synonyms
aspect
Check wording
apply
show examples
and social
Use synonyms
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
.

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Grammar
Fix many spelling and word choice mistakes that make meaning hard to follow.
Structure
Use short and clear sentences. Break long ideas into smaller sentences.
Structure
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and use linking words to show flow.
Vocabulary
Choose simple, common words to make your point clear and easy to read.
Content
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
Content
There are real examples of work life and family in the text.
Structure
There is a plan with an opening, body, and closing.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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