IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should pay for the care and accommodation of the elderly, while others believe that it is the responsibility of each family to take care of their older members. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Due to
Linking Words
 increasing life
expectancy
Punctuation problem
expectancy,
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 it is becoming popular to leave
old
Correct word choice
older
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 residents in aged
care
Use synonyms
 homes. These organisations can look after and
support
Use synonyms
 them. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 practice is absolutely normal
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should bear the full cost of it. During our
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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life
Add a comma
life,
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 we pay taxes for everything. These payments become
as
Change preposition
apply
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a part of the state budget. After that
authorities
Punctuation problem
, authorities
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 use
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 money to
support
Use synonyms
 aged
people
Use synonyms
 through pensions, free medical
services
Use synonyms
, and aged
care
Use synonyms
 homes. Without government
Use synonyms
support
Add a comma
support,
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 it could be impossible for most elderly
people
Use synonyms
 to receive assistance from
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 organisations because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 cost. It would be possible that aged
people
Use synonyms
 pay
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 money for these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
services
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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due to
Linking Words
 low
pensions
Add a comma
pensions,
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 it is almost impossible.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 we often can see news telling us that
families
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
care
Use synonyms
, particularly paying for their
old
Correct word choice
elderly
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 parents in
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
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care
Use synonyms
 homes.
However
Linking Words
, nobody
Verb problem
is concerns
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concerns
Replace the word
concerned
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 about
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 cost of
life
Replace the word
living
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 for most
people
Use synonyms
. Sometimes
families
Use synonyms
 cannot afford to buy their own house or to pay for their children’s education.
This
Linking Words
 makes
impossible
Correct pronoun usage
it impossible
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 for them
paying
Wrong verb form
to pay for
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age
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 will
creates
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 an unbearable situation for many
families
Use synonyms
. That’s why state
support
Use synonyms
 is essential for all of us. Even without having income or savings
authorities
Punctuation problem
, authorities
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 can resolve difficult situations with elderly
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is great that a lot of old
people
Use synonyms
 can receive
support
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 organisations.
However
Linking Words
, it is vital not only for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 for their
families
Use synonyms
 that governments can provide these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
services
Use synonyms
 for free.

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task
The essay gives one main view and little on the other side. Add a short fair view of the other side and end with your own clear view.
coherence
Make a clear plan: opening line, 2-3 body parts with topic sentences, and a short conclusion that restates your view. Use simple join words to link ideas.
task
Give more detail to each point and use specific facts or examples to back them up, not just general talk.
language
Check how you say things. Use short, clear sentences and correct grammar.
strength
The writer shows a clear wish to give help from the government to old people.
structure
There is a clear line of idea from start to end most of the time.
argument
The idea of money and care is used to back why the government should pay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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