IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that schools should focus more on creative subjects like arts and music than traditional ones like math and science. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the
schools
Use synonyms
 should attach more importance to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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 creative curricula-arts and music
than
Punctuation problem
, than
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 traditional
subjects
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. I reckon that both creative
subjects
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 and traditional ones are essential during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
subjects
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 and give my own opinion. With the development of society, the basic living needs
become
Verb problem
have become
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 different, which have transferred from physical satisfaction to mental
request
Check wording
satisfaction
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, arts and music are necessary to support
for
Change preposition
apply
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the reason that these curricula can improve
students
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’ emotional health and
make
Verb problem
help
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 them escape
from
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apply
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the heavy learning burden.
For example
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, in
china
Fix capitalization
China
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, there has added
such
Linking Words
 creative
subjects
Use synonyms
 among academic courses to let
students
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 have a rest in primary
schools
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.
In addition
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, it is an effective way to cultivate the
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students
Check wording
students'
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 imagination and fulfil their potential
on
Change preposition
in
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 art. So
highlighting
Punctuation problem
, highlighting
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 the imaginative courses is significantly important.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, academic
subjects
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 like math, English and science are vital because they can foster comprehensive thinking and widen
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students
Check wording
students'
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 acknowledge. What’s more, most majors in great universities require better
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
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on
Change preposition
in
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 academic courses.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone wants to gain admission from top universities and prepare future career, they must perform better and more
perfect
Replace the word
perfectly
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 on
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 traditional curricula. The greater school means greater sources on education and
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 in society
as well as
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a broad
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broad
Correct word choice
broader
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 horizon.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
schools
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 are supposed to pay attention to traditional
subjects
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 as well. In conclusion, these two different
subjects
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 are significant for
students
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. The
schools
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 should enhance
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 comprehensive quality and place emphasis
ton
Use the right word
on
show examples
 the joint education of the two aspects.

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task response
The essay answers the task, but it does not give a clear, strong stance on the extent of agreement. In the intro, state a clear position. In the conclusion, restate it.
task response
Ideas are okay but could be more developed. Add 1-2 specific reasons and keep examples simple and clear.
content
The writer discusses both sides.
structure
There is a clear structure: intro, two body paragraphs, conclusion.
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