IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

Nowadays,
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 number of individuals shift from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 with agricultural
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
 to metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend has several negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the factors leading to
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 issues and provide possible solutions for the same.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the significant reason for
relocation
Correct article usage
the relocation
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 to bigger
cities
Use synonyms
 is financial demands. Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
 companies or offices compared
big
Change preposition
to big
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can provide better career
propects
Correct your spelling
prospects
 to individuals.
For
Linking Words
example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 India
multinational
Punctuation problem
, multinational
show examples
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
 which are renowned around the
world
Punctuation problem
world,
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 like Amazon or
Google
Punctuation problem
Google,
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 are located in developed
cities
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 like Mumbai and Bengaluru.
As a result
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,
people
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 do not get
adequate
Correct article usage
an adequate
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 salary required to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their daily demands
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
show examples
movement
Check wording
them to move
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 to regions with better opportunities.
Morevover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, another possible factor that contributes to
mobility
Correct article usage
the mobility
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 to well-known and developed
areas
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
the inavailability
show examples
inavailability
Correct your spelling
unavailability
 of basic services in small towns. Many small
cities
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 around the world lack basic infrastructure and facilities that
crucial
Verb problem
are crucial
show examples
 for humans.
For
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example
Use synonyms
, many villages do not have hospitals for treatment and colleges required for
further
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 education.
However
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,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 issues can be resolved by imposing appropriate
stratergies
Correct your spelling
strategies
 that can assist in resolving them. Financial requirements can
solved
Verb problem
be solved
show examples
 by promoting
expansion
Correct article usage
the expansion
show examples
 of global businesses.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 the government of a nation signs
contract
Correct article usage
a contract
show examples
 with global
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
on starting
Change preposition
to start
show examples
firm
Correct article usage
a firm
show examples
 in smaller
cities
Use synonyms
, it can create job roles for
people
Use synonyms
 living in rural parts.
In addition
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 to that, enhancing services and infrastructure in underdeveloped
areas
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 restrict the movement of
people
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 to modern
cities
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.
For
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example
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, if the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 provides well-equipped and improved facilities to
people
Use synonyms
 in towns
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as clean and hygienic hospitals and
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of colleges and universities. In conclusion, there are various components that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased the transfer of
people
Use synonyms
 from rural and
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculturally
show examples
 based regions to large
cities
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as financial needs and underdeveloped services in small
cities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, measures like
establishment
Correct article usage
the establishment
show examples
 of corporate firms and
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of better
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 in small towns can be helpful in alleviating
such
Linking Words
 concerns.

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task
Task response: The essay talks on why people move and on how to fix it. It needs a clearer plan. List the main causes and the best steps, then add a final look at the result.
task
Task response: The examples are few and not strong. Use simple facts or shut phrases to show your point, not long text.
cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The flow is not always clear. Use a line to start each paragraph and keep one idea in each paragraph. Use linking words such as first, also, but, then.
cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Break long sentences into two. Use small words and clear order of thoughts.
content
The essay shows both cause and fix ideas.
structure
It has an intro and a conclusion.
content
It uses an example that shows a real place.
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