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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram explains the
process
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
bricks
Fix the agreement mistake
brick
show examples
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 in the building industry. In general, there are three main phases
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
firstly
Linking Words
, the
process
Use synonyms
 of gaining raw material,
secondly
Linking Words
, the in-manufacturing
process
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
bricks making
Use the right word
brick-making
show examples
, the
Linking Words
last
Replace the word
lastly
show examples
 is the finished-goods
process
Use synonyms
. The
bricks
Use synonyms
 are made from clay
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the main
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 dug
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and sifted using a metal grid,
then
Linking Words
 mixed with water and sand to make the material moist and firm. When the raw material is ready, there are two options to shape the
bricks
Use synonyms
either
Punctuation problem
: either
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 using
mould
Correct article usage
a mould
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 or
wire
Correct article usage
a wire
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 cutter
, to
Punctuation problem
. To
show examples
 reduce the water content
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 moulded clay is dried in the oven for 24 to 48 hours. After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 the dried material is burnt in moderate and high temperatures. The next
process
Use synonyms
 is packaging the
bricks
Use synonyms
 after being dried in the cooling chamber for 48 to 72 hours, and the
last
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is ready to be delivered to the customers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, bricks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • extraction
  • raw material
  • digger
  • metal grid
  • debris
  • molded
  • wire cutter
  • drying ovens
  • firing process
  • kiln
  • cooling chamber
  • delivery
  • construction sites
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