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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The given pie chart about the type of jobs or career
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 preferred by
anthroplogy
Correct your spelling
anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 after their degree,
while
Linking Words
 the table provides information about their earnings in various sectors after five years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 proportion of the
graduates
Use synonyms
 started working in a
fulltime
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
 role,
while
Linking Words
 almost half of the
popluation
Correct your spelling
population
 is
invovled
Correct your spelling
involved
 in other options of
work
Use synonyms
 and study. Meanwhile,
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
 percentage of individuals had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 equal to 100,000 or more in all the sectors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a smaller number of
share
Fix the agreement mistake
shares
show examples
 belonged to the 25,000 to 50,000 range. Almost half of the
graduates
Use synonyms
 are engaged in full-time roles
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
equal
Verb problem
is equal
show examples
 to 52 %. Followed by full-time
work
Use synonyms
, part-time
work
Use synonyms
 is the second most preferred category
showing
Punctuation problem
, showing
show examples
 15 % of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 working in that role.
While
Linking Words
 12% people were unemployed, full-time post-grad study and not known accounted for
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 percentage of
graduates
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 8 %. The option that was least selected by the former students was part-time
work
Use synonyms
 plus postgraduate study.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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