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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to gyms once a month or more between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to gyms once a month or more between 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 people of different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who went to the gym once a month or more between 1990 and 2010. On the one hand, in 1990, all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 were between 7 and less than 11.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 1994, all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 had an
increase
Use synonyms
 in their number , but the highest
increase
Use synonyms
 was 25-34 had a significant
increase
Use synonyms
 to 19,
while
Linking Words
 the 35-44 saw a slight
raise
Use the right word
rise
show examples
 to 11 , and
lastly
Linking Words
 45+ stayed the same.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 1998, two
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 had a massive
increase
Use synonyms
 , which were 18-24 and 25-34 , both reached up to 29,
while
Linking Words
 35-44 had a slight escalation to 11, and 45+ saw
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 gain to 10.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2002, all
age
Use synonyms
organization
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 had increased the highest being 18-24 ; its numbers skyrocketed to 41
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Also
Linking Words
, 25-34 increased to 38,
while
Linking Words
 35-44 saw a big development to 20.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2006, 18-24 still hold the 1st spot by 60, followed up by 25-34 with 45, 35-44 saw a significant expansion in it's number reaching up to 40,
lastly
Linking Words
 45+
also
Linking Words
 increased to 21,
lastly
Linking Words
 in 2010, all had increased, 18-24 didn't
increase
Use synonyms
 by a lot only reaching to 61, and 25-34
also
Linking Words
 did good reaching to 51, and 35-44 saw a big boost to 40, and
lastly
Linking Words
 45 and over
also
Linking Words
 saw an
increase
Use synonyms
 to 20
To sum up
Linking Words
, the highest
age
Use synonyms
 group that went to the gym between the period 1990 to 2010 is 18-24. And the least is 45+.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, lastly, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Age group (noun): A range of ages categorized together.
  • Gym attendance (noun): The act of visiting or using a gym.
  • Trend (noun): A general direction in which something is developing or changing.
  • Decline (verb/noun): A decrease or loss in quality, quantity, or importance.
  • Fluctuate (verb): To change continually; to move up and down.
  • Peak (noun/verb): Reach the highest point.
  • Demographics (noun): Statistical data relating to the population and particular groups within it.
  • Health awareness (noun): Being conscious or informed about health issues.
  • Fitness culture (noun): A culture that promotes physical exercise and healthy living.
  • Stabilize (verb): To make or become unlikely to change or fluctuate.
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