IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games waste their time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of computer games? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The diagram illustrates information about the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in India, China,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, and Japan in three different years. It
also
Linking Words
 speculates how the numbers would be in the future.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
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 growth has a decreasing trend and is expected to do so in the
next
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
coming years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, unlike other countries, India's
population
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 has an increasing trend, from 15% in 1950 to approximately 17% in 2002 and is forecasted to stand at 18% in 2050. Coming to China, it has the highest
population
Use synonyms
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries.
However
Linking Words
, it has a decreasing pattern
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it started with the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 at about 26% and it fell significantly and stood at 20% in 2002. It is projected to fall by 5% in the future. As for the USA,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 started with
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population
Correct article usage
a population
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at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 just about 5% and it decreased to 5 %. The numbers are expected to remain constant (at 5%) even in 2050. Japan has the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 it
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 at below 5%. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 fell by 2% and is projected to decrease and end at 2%
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2050.

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task response
Check the chart more carefully. The task asks for the total number of people, not percentages. Use the correct units and keep numbers consistent.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a single clear overview of the main trend in your introduction or conclusion.
structure
The essay gives a structure with an opening and separate parts for each country.
content
There is an attempt to compare the four countries.
organization
A closing sentence is present to summarize the trend.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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