IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph provides information about people's
participation
Use synonyms
 in various social activities at a particular social centre in Melbourne from the year 2000
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the film club witnessed the highest
participation
Use synonyms
 share compared to other
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 and was fairly stable throughout the years.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the figures for Martial arts were relatively stable with slight
fluctation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it was the second most common activity for
participation
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants increased significantly for Table Tennis,
while
Linking Words
 musical performance witnessed a slight growth in figures after 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a downward trend was noted for
participation
Use synonyms
 in Amateur dramatics. The
number
Use synonyms
 of participants in
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest throughout the entire period
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
 a
participation
Use synonyms
 rate of 65 people. The second most preferred activity was Martial arts
whose
Punctuation problem
, whose
show examples
participation
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 varied between 30 to 35 over the years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals
invovled
Correct your spelling
involved
 in Table Tennis increased dramatically after the year 2010
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satistics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 of 20 in 2010 and 50 ten years later. A similar trend was followed by Musical Performance
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had 5 more participants in 2020 compared to 2010.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
participation
Use synonyms
 of individuals in
Amatuer
Correct your spelling
amateur
 dramatics declined significantly from 25 in 2000 to 5 in the year 2020.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words participation, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: