IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as sky diving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?

There is the view that dangerous
sport
Use synonyms
 types should be banned at the governmental level because it is dangerous and pose risks to human life.
Although
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 extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 are risky, banning them would restrict individual freedom;
instead
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, governments should focus on enforcing strict safety standards
Firstly
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, all type of
sports
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 have their danger and risks for well-being , and sometimes athletes know that they can get injuries in the process of playing or doing
this
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athletics
Replace the word
athletic
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 type , but they still love their job and participating in different tournaments even if they get damaged. It happens because of their different way of thinking
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 most
sports
Use synonyms
 lovers don't even think that their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
 may be risky in terms of physical and emotional health .
For example
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, sky diving is a very unsafe sort of
sport
Use synonyms
 because many
people
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 think that diving at high altitudes where you can't control the air and the process of landing
to
Change preposition
on
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 the surface.
However
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, many extreme
people
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 want to try it as it is interesting to try yourself in a different
sport
Use synonyms
 and feel other feelings which most
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid to think.
Additionally
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, the fact that not everyone can try it gives motivation for sky divers to be inimitable
Secondly
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 , giving permission for
people
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 who are just interested can be observed as a threat to human life, because before starting the journey in extreme
sports
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 , individuals should be educated
with
Change preposition
on
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 the rules and safety regulations which help them deal with the different unexpected moments.
Consequently
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, many countries should just restrict the rules for starters , which may help to decrease the fatal endings or the injuries for enthusiasts.
For instance
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, making clubs for both theoretical and practical purposes where
people
Use synonyms
 learn the basics and
then
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 under the control of
proffessionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
, practice their skills
and
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, and
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at the end
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 of the learning process, get a certification allowing them to do
this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I support the idea that dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 should not be banned from
governmental
Correct article usage
the governmental
show examples
 side
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
instead
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, they should be regulated and controlled by the authority.

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thesis
Put the main idea in the first paragraph. State clearly that you think dangerous sports should be allowed with rules, not fully banned.
structure
Make each paragraph have one big idea and start with a clear sentence that tells it.
content
Give more details or real examples to show your ideas.
language
Use plain words and check words and spelling to be accurate.
content
You show a clear view that bans are not needed, and you want safety rules.
examples
You point out safety rules and clubs to show how rules can work.
organization
You link ideas with words like 'secondly' and 'for example'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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