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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that self employment is better than a job in a country or an institution. Discuss both modes of work and give your opinion.

The landscape of
work
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 is diverse nowadays, making the
chioce
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choice
 between
self-empolyment
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self-employment
 and traditional salaried
work
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 a central dilemma for many.
While
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 the image of the self-made entrepreneur is increasingly glamorised, the stability of a nine-to-six job remains the foundation of many economies. Proponents of self-employment
highlighting
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highlight
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 the freedoms it offers,
such
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 as being own boss, setting own schedule and pursuing the passions.
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this
Fix capitalization
This
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 can turn
work
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 into something truly fulfilling.
However
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,
this
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 dream of entrepreneurship comes with significant risks. The direct connection between effort and reward can lead to
financal
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financial
 instability, with irregular income and no guarantees of sick pay or a pension.
On the other hand
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,
tranditional
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traditional
 employment in a company or
goverment
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government
 institution provides a
securivity framewords
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security framework
that is
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 hard to match. It offers a steady paycheck, comprehensive benefits, and a clear path for professional growth, all of which make long-term planning easier and help maintain a separation between
work
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 and personal
life
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.
However
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,
this
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 model has its drawbacks too. The security it provides often comes at the expense of autonomy and creative
ulfillment
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fulfilment
. Employees may find themselves
subjective
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subject
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 to corporate hierarchies, with limited earning potential and routine
work
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 that can lead to stagnation, especially for those with an entrepreneurial spirit.
iIn
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In
 my opinion, for most people, the security and structure of institutional employment present a more sensible
ans
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and
 sustainable path. The foundational stability of a regular income and employer-sponsored benefits is crucial,
it
Correct word choice
as it
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 reduces the anxiety that often comes with being self-employed and provides a safety net during personal or economic crises.
Moreover
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, the clear boundary between
work
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 and home
life
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, though sometimes blurred, serves as an important guard against burnout, protecting one's mental and physical well-being.
While
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 self-employment may be ideal for a resilient, risk-tolerant few with specific marketable passions, traditional jobs offer a balanced compromise that allows for
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 quality of
life
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 for the broader population. In conclusion, the choice between self-employment and
tranditional
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traditional
work
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 is highly personal, depending on an individual's appetite for risk, need for independence, and
life
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 stage. I
perfer
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prefer
 the
instiutional
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institutional
 path offers community, security and balance but may limit potential and autonomy. Ultimately, the better mode of
work
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 is not absolute
,
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;
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 it reflects which set of
trade_offs
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trade-offs
 aligns best with one's personal definition of a successful and fulfilling
life
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.

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structure
Make a simple plan at the start. Put one main idea in each paragraph. End with a clear view.
language
Fix big spelling and grammar. Shorten long word and fix wrong spellings.
content
Add more facts or simple examples for each point to back it up.
coherence
Use clear joining words so ideas flow. Use 'and', 'but', 'also' often.
task response
Say your main view again in the end to keep the task clear.
content
It talks about both side well.
task response
It ends with a clear view.
coherence
Link words help flow in places.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • own boss
  • freelance
  • business
  • income
  • money
  • salary
  • pay
  • work
  • hours
  • flexible
  • risk
  • profit
  • cost
  • tax
  • loan
  • customers
  • market
  • stability
  • benefits
  • pension
  • health care
  • insurance
  • planning
  • plan
  • skills
  • training
  • boss
  • job
  • career
  • opportunity
  • rules
  • system
  • support
  • team
  • promotion
  • choice
  • security
  • independence
  • growth
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