IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The increasing reliance on the internet and digital technology is having a detrimental effect on people's ability to focus and think critically, to what extent do you agree or disagree

There is a view that
modernizing
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modernising
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 is
influcing
Verb problem
apply
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totally negative to individuals to
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use
Verb problem
affecting
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 their
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sense of
focusing
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focus
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 and thinking ability.
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, the number of
people
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 who are using
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of technologies is increasing rapidly. Despite the web and
technology
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has
Wrong verb form
having
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 many useful things for
people
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 to
use
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, they encourage humans to overuse and
weak
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weaken
show examples
 their ability to focus and think critically. Because
everytime
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every time
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 a person uses
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
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, he/she can not concentrate his/her mind for fifteen minutes.
This
Linking Words
 is the fact that was
proofed
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proved
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 by scientists. Mountain of students lose their concentration during lessons. The only reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that they check their web before or during a lesson and can not focus or think for a
while
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 every individual should limit their time for using them.
While
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 some are in
favor
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favour
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, I personally oppose
this
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 notion. Even though they have these negative sides,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and
technology
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 have no end of benefits.
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Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 provides unlimited access
of
Change preposition
to
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 information.
Technology
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 helps
people
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 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Individuals can not focus their
life
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lives
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 without these things.
Instead
Linking Words
 of limiting time for using or banning, humans should invest more things using
web
Correct article usage
the web
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 and
technology
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, their country develops significantly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I gave information like that. In conclusion,
people
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 should not
use
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 their
internet
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 and devices in formal places like school or work and
use
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 them as
useful
Replace the word
usefully
show examples
 as they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
.

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Task response improvement
Plan the task first. State your view in the intro and restate it in the end. Then give 2 or 3 main ideas with short examples.
Coherence and cohesion improvement
Link your ideas with clear words so the text moves from one idea to the next. Use simple, easy links.
Language
Check the language. Use short, plain sentences and common words. Fix big grammar in places.
content
You show a clear personal view.
content
You touch both sides of the issue and say there are benefits of internet too.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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